Another depression screening day. We're off track a little because of the holidays. I asked Dr. George last week if I could know my scores. He explained that they don't share scores with patients because scores too high (indicating more severe depression) may make the subject more depressed. Competitive people (like I sometimes can be) may give inaccurate answers at an attempt to "improve" their scores. It all makes sense. I guess that's just another area where lip gloss girl messed up by tallying my score in front of me that one time.
Dr. Li seemed more concerned today about my hand shaking during treatment. It always does some, but it did seem a little more pronounced today. He checked a few times to make sure I wasn't having a seizure (definitely wasn't). We discussed afterwards that my arm doesn't shake hardly at all when it is down by my side. Today, I was nearing the end of my book, which meant the heavier weight was in my left hand (the shaky one) and turning the pages is always when the shakes hit. After we discussed all that, he seemed at ease. The shaking (more of a jerking?) only happens during the tapping, and I think that's the key thing. We had tested my threshold again today and I was still at 77, so there should be no change in physical response. Interestingly, testing my threshold makes my right hand twitch, but it's my left hand that twitches during treatment. Any way, it didn't bother me, other than needing to pause if the tapping occurred while I needed to turn a page.
It's a rainy day in Charleston. I've got more friends coming to visit today, which is especially good since the catering gigs seem to have dried up. It's always trickier for me to entertain when the weather is bad, as my mind always goes to outdoor activities when thinking of things to do. I feel confident we'll have a grand time regardless.
I figured out how to see my blog stats today. I was pleased to see that most of my posts receive between twenty and eighty views each. I had no idea so many people were interested in my progress. I have a few folks who regularly comment or "like" on facebook (who really keep me encouraged and going), but I didn't know I had other secret followers. I hope this blog is entertaining and maybe even helpful to my readers. Thank you to everyone who reads it. Whether you comment or not, it helps a lot to feel like my words matter enough for people to bother reading them. This is a rough journey, and I love knowing that I'm not alone in it.
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