I have a theory about depression. It is completely non-scientific, and the study sample of one (me) is too small to be valid.
Sometimes bad things happen. They can be one traumatic event, or a series of bad events over a period of time. Either way, the brain's response is to numb you to get through it. Endorphins, seratonin, norepenephrine, whatever... they don't kick into high gear because the mind knows that your body will never be tricked into being happy when things are that bad. Many people become addicted to various substances seeking that fake happiness, but it never seems to work out. Since your body can't fake happy, it just becomes numb. Numb is better than hurt.
My theory is this: the neurons that the rTMS are stimulating are responsible for the numbness. Mine shut down a long time ago, perhaps in early childhood, and I've been numb since then. They had to stop firing to make certain parts of life bearable, but like a car that hasn't been started in months, the battery goes dead and needs a jump to get going again. rTMS is my jumper cable. Right now, my car needs a jumpstart every time I try to turn the engine over, but hopefully it will eventually build enough of a charge to maintain it. I'm almost halfway done with treatment; I hope my charge will fire on its own by the time it's done.
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