I had my treatment as usual. I’m getting so used to it, I could almost nap during it, except that I have to remain alert during treatment. I snagged a picture of the device, shown below. The "arms" coming out either side are what send the pulses through my head. They rest firmly on top of my head, but are in no way attached (no straps, etc).
Afterwards treatment, I met with a nurse for her to conduct a Hamilton Depression Scale on me. The nurse was different from the nurse I had seen previously. This one seemed less compassionate. She actually applied lip gloss in the middle of asking me about suicidal thoughts. It felt like she was saying, “I know you feel bad, but it can’t be as bad as my dry lips.” Maybe next week, she’ll trim her toenails during our session.
Changing nurses made me feel like the results might get skewed. They each put their own emphasis and examples in different areas. Today’s nurse asked: “Do you ever feel overwhelmed by seemingly simple tasks, like washing the dishes?” I don’t enjoy washing dishes, but I don’t get overwhelmed by them, so no.
The previous nurse had asked, “Do you feel overwhelmed by everyday tasks, like checking your voicemail?” Bingo! Yes! Same essential question, different responses. Keeping the same nurse might give a more accurate insight into my level of depression.
Based on the questions asked, one might assume that people with depression are gassy hypochondriacs with no libido. The first psychiatrist who interviewed me seemed surprised that I had graduated high school on time. Apparently, we’re lazy and/or stupid, too. No wonder it’s so hard to find anyone willing to openly discuss depression.
I scored a 55 on today’s test, but I don’t know any of my scores from previous tests to know how that compares. Apparently there are several versions of the test, so I can’t interpret the results with my Google Fu either.
After getting to discuss all my feelings of self-hatred and my lack of interest in living, I was free to go. As I had walked to treatment, I had to walk back to my abode. Unlike my last walking adventure, this time I was hit on several times. Good for the ego, but I look forward to being able to find my own self-worth someday, rather than depending on anyone and everyone around me.
The big success of the day is NO NAP! I got up at a good time and remained active. I didn’t try to escape today. J I felt good most of the day, except during my test. And my friend Angie is coming to visit for the weekend, so I look forward to having someone to share the sights of Charleston with.
Have a great weekend!
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