Today was not off to a banner start. I awoke with that old feeling of wanting to escape. Perhaps I could call Dr. Li and cancel my appointment, just for today? But I resisted temptation, and drug my butt into the shower and out the door, late enough that I had to drive rather than walk or bike.
I had a little bit of a headache after yesterday’s treatment, which is the most common side effect. Dr. Li said I could take pain relievers, but it hadn’t been bad enough to warrant that. After years on anti-depressants, I try to avoid adding any other pill to the mix even occasionally, out of resentment towards medicine in general. I should appreciate how much it has helped me, but instead I view it as a reminder of how defective I am.
When I start a new exercise program, the first day is usually great, the second day and has some soreness, and the third day is miserable. My rTMS seems to be following the same pattern. Today, the gentle tapping I felt two days ago now felt like a hammer tapping. It still didn’t hurt, per se, but it wasn’t exactly pleasant either.
After another thirty-seven minute treatment (37 is my favorite number, btw), I went on my way, feeling neither better nor worse. I checked out some local thrift stores to avoid going back to the lonely apartment (with no cable, I might add).
When I did return to my dwelling, I felt pretty good. I took only a small nap, mostly out of boredom. I looked at jobs some more, but realized that most of the seasonal stuff is already filled, and there isn’t much out there for someone from out-of-state looking for occasional work (Hello, I’m from Tennessee and don’t know anyone here. Would you like me to babysit your kid?) . Tomorrow I’m going to go to a temp agency that is looking for holiday banquet servers, which could be a nice fit. I decided against the jewelry store, mostly because they want lots of weekend work. That makes sense, of course, and I wouldn’t mind, except that I have friends and family coming to visit me during some of my weekends here and I need that more than I need $8/hour.
I went to the Laundromat later in the evening to wash my new thrift store finds, and to escape my four walls that started off as being so cute and have quickly become suffocating. I haven’t been to a Laundromat in years. They’re not any more fun than I remember (though they are a good place to blog, as I write this while my dryer spins), and I think they’re a lot more expensive than they used to be.
I sooo want to report amazing things, to say that I feel cured already. Alas, that is not the case. The doctors are very evasive when I ask how long it takes typically to see results, but they have said they’ll send me home at four weeks if I’m not seeing at least some improvement or earlier if I start doing any worse.
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